Just Knock it Off

When life makes me crazy (like it has these last few weeks) I get really bummed about the fact that I don't have time to read and comment on all my favorite blogs on the interwebs. I tried to catch up a little last night.....don't know how successful I really was. But, I always make time to read particular blogs, mostly because they are so full of sass and truth and wonderfulness that I just can't help myself. One of those is A Cupcake Wedding. She keeps it real and I love that about her. Her most recent post is about vows and I left her a comment telling her it was totally OK to rip off other people's vows. Nobody will really know but you. And maybe some freakish bridal bloggers like me. But the latter is totally OK since the likelihood that I will tell anyone is nil. Right?

In an effort to help ease Cupcake's mind, I wanted to share with her where we ripped our vows off from. I had to go back to some old posts and when I did, I realized that I never finished sharing my own vows. Considering we totally ripped them off (and then made them our own), I do feel like I need to share. The original post is here, but I'll just do a total recap so it's all in one place.

We found a part of our ceremony through one of my favorite budget brides at 2000 Dollar Budget Wedding. She had created a list of favorite ceremonies. We stole part of our ceremony from Peonies and Polaroids.


Here's how it started:

Officiant:

The Candyman and Louise want to thank each of you for coming today to share in this very special time in their lives. Those of you who have been invited here to witness Louise and The Candyman's wedding ceremony and to celebrate with them today will play your part in their marriage too. There are only two official witnesses at a wedding but each and every person here today will witness the words that they will speak to one another and the vows that they will make. You should take good care to remember these words; for a marriage needs the help of a community, of friends and family who will be there when needed and will do all that they can during hard times to stand by Louise and The Candyman and offer their support to them and the new family that they will create. May you always do all within your power to support the union that will be made here today and to nurture the bond between these two people whom you love.

Throughout time countless millions of people from many cultures, religions and societies have gathered among friends and families to celebrate their love for one and other and their commitment to each other. Each culture has symbols and rituals to celebrate marriage from the Japanese tea ceremony to the Jewish tradition of breaking the glass, a rich tapestry of traditions from around the world combine to symbolize the meaning of marriage. And today we should try to remember that a wedding is a symbol, a beautiful, heartfelt and meaningful symbol but a symbol nonetheless. This ceremony is not magic, it will not create a relationship that does not already exist and has not already been celebrated in all the commitments The Candyman and Louise have made to each other, both large and small, in the days since they first met and recognized their connection to one another. It is a symbol of how far they have come together and a symbol of the promise that they will make to each other to continue to live their lives together and to love each other solely and above all others. And it is in the spirit of these symbols that The Candyman has prepared a poem titles The Great Concatenation and has asked his friend James Monroe to read for us.

The Great Concatenation

At dawn, the morning fog crowds 

About church steeples as if pausing in meditation 

Before beginning the day

And in that quiet stillness 

I belong to you

The light of the setting sun 

Glinting off grain silos makes me pine for you

I can't explain why

In your eyes, there lies 

The pulsing flirtation of fireflies 

Hovering about paper lanterns 

Suspended effortlessly in the summer night

The space between us aches me,

As seas of mist converge above my head in cloudscapes

Like weightless gray elephants in some distant caravan across the sky

There lies a part of you to delight me in all the beauty that I behold,

From the eerie astral eye of the Hourglass Nebula

To the gooey center of a perfect grilled cheese sandwich

The thread of you is woven through the firmament

Even our very atoms were once the embers of ancient stars

But through some great concatenation

We have arrived here in this moment finally whole

To revel on the miracle that is us.

Officiant:

And now just before you say these vows to each other, I remind us all of what a vow is. A vow is a solemn promise, a pledge that binds. A commitment of heart, mind, soul and body.  A commitment that recognizes this as the most important of human relationships, above all others.

These are your vows. It is one of life’s greatest gifts…to give and receive such a commitment.  Understanding these things about your vows causes us to understand that these are not mere word, it is a covenant between yourselves and God, and so we listen in great awe and reverence as you make these promises to each other.

Louise and The Candyman, would you please turn to face each other now and join hands as you prepare to make these vows of love to one another.

The Candyman

I, The Candyman, take you Louise,

to be my wife,

to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better or for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish;

from this day forward until death do us part.

Louise

I, Louise, take you the Candyman

to be my husband

to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better or for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish;

from this day forward until death do us part.

Officiant:

Do you The Candyman in the presence of God and these our friends and family take Louise to be your wife, promising with Divine assistance to be unto her a loving and faithful husband so long as we both shall live.

The Candyman:

I do, so help me God!

(As a side note, the "so help me God!" part was a surprise to me as well as our guests. As a lawyer, he says that the statement is more legally binding that way. It was said with such reverence that it kind of shocked me and I almost took a trip to Giggle Town, USA.)

Officiant:

Do you Louise in the presence of God and these our friends and family take The Candyman to be your husband, promising with Divine assistance to be unto him a loving and faithful wife so long as we both shall live?

Louise:

I do!

Officiant:

The Candyman will you now take the ring you have for Louise. The Candyman, you are giving this ring to Louise as a symbol of your love her. The ring is a circle so that it has no end. In a like manner, your love for Louise will have no end, but continue all the days of your life. You may now place the ring on Louise’s finger and repeat these vows.

The Candyman:

With this ring I thee wed, and I pledge to thee my love, my devotion and my faithfulness, until death do us part.

Officiant:

Louise will you now take the ring you have for The Candyman. You are giving this ring to The Candyman as an outward sign of a commitment you are making to an endless bond of love. This ring is his ever-present reminder of your love. You may now place the ring on The Candyman's finger and repeat these vows.

Louise:

With this ring I thee wed, and I pledge to thee my love, my devotion and my faithfulness, until death do us part.

Officiant:

The Candyman and Louise, let these rings serve as a constant, silent reminder of your love & commitment. When you look at them, let them bring a smile to your face as you remember that there is someone you love more than anyone else in the world; and that there is someone who loves you more than anyone else in the world.

Please join us in blessing this marriage with The Lord’s Prayer.

Our Father who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come.

Thy will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

and forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us,

and lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom,

and the power, and the glory,

for ever and ever.

Amen.

The Candyman and Louise because you have made these vows of love & commitment to one another in the presence of God and these witnesses, and with the blessings of family & friends, by the authority vested in me I now pronounce you to be husband and wife. The Candyman, you may now kiss your bride!

Ladies and gentlemen! I present to you Mr. and Mrs. The Candyman, Esquire! (The Candyman wanted the Esquire part, I thought it was cute!)

On behalf of The Candyman and Louise, let me thank all of you for coming today. The wedding party will spend a few minutes taking pictures, and will join you shortly at the reception.

My advice is to make your vows your own. One thing I might discourage is to make silly promises to each other about particular actions. I think I read somewhere that in the vows that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt said to each other, one was about her promising to make some stupid smoothie for him every day - or some such nonsense. I think you need to be careful about that kind of stuff, in my personal opinion. Why? Because what happens when life gets in the way of making that smoothie? What I find important about the marriage ceremony is the meaning behind the vows. You are commiting your heart and soul to another person for the rest of your life. You will NOT make each other laugh every day. Don't promise that. You will, however promise to stick by that person and work through those days that you don't laugh together. I think that's what's important. 

The Candyman and I chose to have a semi-religious wedding. We both consider ourselves Christians, yet we do not belong to a particular church or faith. We wanted to marry in a chapel by on ordained man of God. That was our choice. We both love the Lord's Prayer and that is what we wanted to have said. It's the one thing about a sermon that I truly enjoy. I love hearing a congregation say those words all together. It fills me with an immense joy. However, if you want someone to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 (love is patient, love is kind, blah blah blah) go ahead, it's your day. But I do want to stress that if you choose to read Corinthians, expect some eye-rolling over here at The Thirty-Something Bride. 

In addition, I have a FABULOUS wedding ceremony planner that I got from my officiant that totally lays out a ceremony for you. It covers who does what, where people are supposed to stand and lots of different options that include traditional and contemporary vows. It's a Word document that you can change as you see fit. It you wold like a copy of it, please email me and I can send it to you!

So, be honest now. Who's planning on knocking off their wedding vows?

Comments

[cupcake wedding]

ha! read the headline and thought it was going to be about knock off bags and shoes. Should have known better.

Thanks for the very nice shout out and the vows.

And I, too, secretly find the "love is kind" schtick overdone.

[Chic 'n Cheap Living]

I like the mix of traditional and your own takes on other vows.

Man, that was a lot of text lady! Have a lovely, lovely weekend and hope the weather in Nashville is better than it is here!

[kc]

"You are commiting your heart and soul to another person for the rest of your life. You will NOT make each other laugh every day. Don't promise that. You will, however promise to stick by that person and work through those days that you don't laugh together. I think that's what's important."

I've been trying to put into words why I want our vows to be simple and devoid of the cooing cutsey stuff and what you wrote up there is it.

Add me to the list of tired of Corinthians.