The Pretty vs. The Real
Monday, October 3, 2011 at 9:34AM So this is my third attempt at writing a post today. The first was an Unfake Nashville Wedding. Can’t post that because of the stupid and ongoing issues with Time Warner Cable. Thought everything was fixed on Friday. Wrong. There are things trapped in my desktop computer that must stay there because I can’t get them to my laptop to get them up and online. Fan-freaking-tastic. Thanks, TWC! Assholes.
The second attempt was to post some eye-candy wedding pictures that were submitted to me. The particular platform that I (as well as just about every other wedding blog out there) use for wedding submissions allows for a photographer to submit to anyone they want. As an editor, I can request exclusivity, but I don’t. The pictures in question were submitted to like, everybody. I could go through the steps to make it an Unfake Wedding, but it just doesn’t feel like an Unfake Wedding to me because it looks so perfect. I tend to shy away from weddings that are visually perfect because that’s NOT what a wedding is about. Nothing is perfect. If your wedding goes off without a hitch? Lucky you. It doesn’t mean your marriage will be perfect. It doesn’t mean YOU are perfect. You get my drift, right?
I like to see pictures where the flower girl has her finger up her nose. Those pictures are funny. And real. I want to keep it real.
But I’m also drawn to the eye-candy. I’m a sucker for The Pretty. It’s why I love to hate and hate to love SMP. Visually? I’m hooked. Mentally? I still get pissed off.
Recently, I had an email conversation with Hindsight Bride regarding The Pretty versus The Real. As wedding blog editors we can dance on a very thin line between the two. The Pretty CAN be real and it CAN be affordable, but it takes work and thought and preparation. I believe it’s sites like Hindsight and many, many others that can help brides get The Pretty while maintaining The Real.
But what if I can’t (or choose not to) actually share the work, thought and preparation behind The Pretty, does it make it any less real?
If someone can afford an expensive wedding, do we think them shallow? Less in love than those of us with strict budgets? I would hope not. Might we secretly think them bitches and mope about in green wedding envy? Oh yeah. I’ll totally own up to that.
But does any of this mean you can’t be inspired by that which cannot be afforded? The further away I get from my own wedding, the less irritated I become with The Pretty in regards to its connection with The Real, mostly because I know more about weddings in general. I must not forget though, that brides reading this are nowhere near where I am in my own head.
Recently, I was accused of conspiring to The Pretty, without regard to The Real. I got my panties all in a twist over it and was all, “I ONLY POST REAL STUFF!” and then checked myself later, wondering if what I had thought was really, honest-to-goodness true.
Often times, people are resistant to the truth. I was working with a vendor I didn’t know a few months back regarding the cost of a bouquet and centerpieces she did for an inspiration shoot. I wanted to write about it because she used unique flowers that I knew were seasonal and I wanted to direct brides to consider the seasonality of flowers because its generally more cost effective. This is not new news, but the pictures were so beautiful that I wanted to share the cost benefit (The Real) with the to-die-for-photography (The Pretty). That florist? She REFUSED to quote me a price. She REFUSED to even give me a ballpark or a range of costs. Why? Because she didn’t want a bride to see it, call her looking for that same bouquet and expect the same price. Now I know prices vary on flowers from season to season and state to state and all that, but if you don’t even feel comfortable giving a range on the flowers that YOU designed? Um, that’s a red flag for me. BIG RED FLAG. I tried to tell the florist that this was a BIG RED FLAG and she just didn’t give a flying you-know-what.
So is there a point to this post? I don’t even know. I think I’m finding myself struggling with wanting to show The Pretty without giving up The Real. What do YOU think?
Designer, TruLu Couture
Blogger. Wife. Smart Ass.
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Reader Comments (8)
I voted for 100% Unfake Weddings because I think that the Pretty naturally follows the Real (and not the other way around).
Aw, Melissa! That is probably the sweetest and most true thing ever written. And your comment is giving me one of those self-smacks to the head in a "I coulda had a V8" sorta way!
Christie and I have been talking about the same conundrum. Pretty v. Real: the Smack Down. I think most brides take inspiration from the Pretty and translate it into what we like and can afford. It's not the same, but it's still beautiful. Aesthetics are part of a wedding in every culture. As much as being a "special" day, it's a Beautiful Day. We set it apart from other days by trying to make it visually different, by dressing up for it, by dressing it up. It's part of how we celebrate every special occasion isn't it?
But weddings have exploded! We're starting to give Indian weddings a run for their money in length, expense, and complexity. The average price of a wedding is about twice what I make in a year, and roughly half of what my fiance makes in a year. That's insane.
So along with the question of the Pretty versus Real, I've been asking myself why and how weddings have become such a huge industry. Does it reflect the significance weddings have in our society? If it did, there should be fewer divorces, right? Does it reflect rampant capitalism? The media?
Is the increasing complexity of "unique-to-the-couple" wedding a talisman my generation holds to protect ourselves against the divorces we saw with our parents? Like, if our weddings can be perfect, reflect us as a couple in every curated detail, if we spend months crafting our ceremony, vows, and DIY bunting - how can we brake up after all that? You'd look like an idiot. "Well, there goes that couple. You know they spent $40,000 on their wedding? It was gorgeous. I cried all through their ceremony. They're getting a divorce now." Doesn't that seem like it should be impossible?
On a completely different subject - thank you for holding that florist accountable. Vendors who aren't up-front with their pricing tick me off to no end. They're part of the reason I started my blog. Real prices galore.
I love Melissa's comment about the Pretty following the Real. I knew my budget (under $5k for 200 people, yes it is possible and was fabulous) but knew I could make it pretty. It was a lot of careful pricing and lots of DIY but I had my burlap runners, mason jars with lace ribbons, and local dahlias and roses. Completely inspired by SMP and other eye candy sites. So I'm good with a mix of Real and Pretty, but keep preaching that the Pretty follows the Real.
Wow Michelle, I love you! That's an incredible challenge, especially for an SMP inspired wedding. I want to see those pictures.
And by "I don't care what you do", of course I mean "I will love you and read this blog no matter WHAT you put on it. Even daily TWC rants for the rest of forever :)
Emerson said that if you write what is true, you'll find beauty. Poe thought that if you wrote beautifully, you'd find the truth. When I read their works, I can see how they were coming at beauty and truth from different directions. I'm not sure exactly what they would say about wedding photos, but somehow their ideas about literature seem relevant to your question! I think it gets to what Melissa is saying in that I don't think Emerson or Poe would think that something "fake" is beautiful or true. Now, is "staged" always fake? Not sure. Leibowitz stages a lot of her photos, but I don't know that that makes them fake. Right? A point of debate, perhaps. Good questions, Cousin!
I'm coming late to this conversation, but first a shout out to Emerson. Second, I'm somewhere between "Gah! What's with the pretty, what we need is IRE" and "Keep it real, real, real." But of course cranky editors are not generally your target audience.