Musical Youth (not of the dutchie variety)

In our house, we have one desktop computer and one laptop. The Candyman owns the laptop and I command use of the desktop. The iTunes is on the desktop, yet we have two separate iPods. The fact that Apple has yet to figure out a way to have separate iTunes on the same computer baffles me. Yes, yes, yes, I know we can make separate folders and playlists and shit, but it’s a pain in the ass. When The Candyman and I started dating he didn’t have an iPod. I got him one as a gift and since then, we’ve shared our iTunes. I already had thousands of songs downloaded and to try to separate his music from my music was just too daunting a task. After several years of combined musical purchases, we gave up ever trying. One of the reasons we’d like to separate the tunes is while The Candyman and I have the same appreciation for music, we definitely don’t listen to the same kinds of music.

As a Marine Brat born in the 70’s, I grew up listening to the 8-track player in the Chevy station wagon as we drove from state to state every year or so. We had the following on heavy rotation: CCR, Simon & Garfunkle, Linda Ronstadt, John Denver, The 5^th Dimension, Gordon Lightfoot, The Fendermen, Peter, Paul & Mary, Merle Haggard, Crosby, Still, Nash and Young and Johnny Mathis. The first cassette tapes I ever owned were Donny & Marie’s Goin’ Coconuts and The Best of Captain and Tennille (I still have them). I know, hot to death, right?  I was a teenager in the 80’s (for which I thank God constantly) and for the early part of that decade I was obsessed with The Stray Cats, The Go-Go’s, Duran Duran, The Fixx, Pat Benatar, The Style Council, The Police, U2 and Oingo Boingo. The summer between freshman and sophomore year of high school I was introduced to Midnight Oil and that band opened up a whole different genre of music for me. I discovered Siouxie and The Banshees, The Cure, The Smiths, The Jesus and Mary Chain, Echo and the Bunnymen, Love and Rockets, Joy Division, The English Beat. I leaned hard for a few years getting into the DC punk scene with Bad Brains, The Faith, Iron Cross, Scream, State of Alert (featuring Henry Rollins), Government Issue, Void, and Youth Brigade.The music of the 1990’s just passed me right on by. Grunge was NOT my scene and I avoided plaid flannel at all costs. As my focus turned towards my career in the early 00’s, I basically stopped paying attention to music.  I listened to the radio and maybe bought a CD here and there if I really heard something I liked.

Moving to Music City (that would be Nashville) in 2005 got me back into a local music scene. It was all kinds of fun as I made friends with musicians and often got to watch them play amazing live music. When I met The Candyman, I felt like I had a pretty good repertoire of musical history and taste under my belt. Sadly, The Candyman doesn’t agree with this sentiment. He grew up in the 70’s too, but had older brothers who were way into the rock music scene: lots of Skynard, Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, and Black Sabbath coupled with the blues of the South: Muddy Waters, Buddy Guy,Howlin’ Wolf, Ma Rainey and Ray Charles. He despises the 1980’s and I often wonder how someone who hates 80’s music so vehemently can love me so soundly.

So now that we’ve co-mingled our lives and our iPods, I’m exposed to all sort of music that I’ve never heard before. A lot of it I don’t care for. I feel like I’m constantly fast-forwarding through Johnny Cash (how much of one artist can one man have?), Mother Love Bone and The Black Keys to try to find my bubble-gum pop songs that just make me want to get all dance-y. I can’t get enough of Lady GaGa’s Born This Way or Pink’s Raise Your Glass. For reals.

There are times when I let the iPod just do its shuffle thing and I’ll hear a song I’m fairly certain I don’t want to hear, but end up listening anyway. What I’ll find interesting is a hook or a lyric that I just know resonates with The Candyman and I get why he listens to that song. One of the songs Howlin’ Wolf is famous for is called Louise.  He loves that song (go figure). He used to listen to Zero 7’s Destiny when I would go overseas. I would listen to that too, and think of him.

On a clear day
I'll fly home to you
I'm bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

I'll fly, I'll fly home
I'll fly home and I'll fly home

So this past weekend, we were driving somewhere and one of “his” songs came on. I was in no mood for the twangy, bluesy nonsense I heard, but resisted the urge to jab the fast-forward button.  I had never heard it before and I can’t even remember who or what it was, but there was a line in the song about a good woman bringing her man coffee. I looked at The Candyman and said, “This is why you like this song, isn’t it? It reminds you of me when I bring you coffee in the morning.”

And I was right. He’s so squishy and sentimental. That moment in the car last weekend has stayed with me and I’ve been rolling it around in my brain. I’m trying to figure out if it meant something. Should I listen harder for the sentimental cues? Will three to four minutes of patience through a song that’s not “mine” further reveal to me the man my husband was, is and will be? I wonder.

And is the comingling of music reflective of the comingling of our lives? Sometimes we should be able to listen to our hearts desire. Other times it’s more appropriate to let someone else have their heart’s desire. I am still learning how to share: my life, music, money, closet space. The Candyman and I were talking recently about his ability to break through the barrier that I built around my heart and he smiled and started singing Higher Than the Wall from The Steel Drivers:

There are walls made of paper, and walls made of stone
and some that are made out of livin' alone
I built a wall no one could break down
locked up my heart where it couldn't be found

You saw past my shackles and let love unfold
showed me the truth from the lies I'd been told
my heart was a prisoner like no heart at all
till your love reached higher than the wall

I smiled at him and he said, “Brick by brick, baby.” And maybe that’s the lesson. This whole love thing we’ve got going on is a process. Maybe it’s an un-building and rebuilding of ourselves.

You know, if Apple ever does figure out how to separate iPods on one computer, I don’t think I’ll sign up for it. Let’s just keep it all mixed up together. It’s better that way.

Comments

[Christy W]

This post made me well up this morning. I love that you're still discovering and learning about your husband. I hope that when I'm 80, I'm still learning something new about my husband. Although, I don't think I'll ever understand his admiration Rush. The band, not the person. He'll probably never understand why I like to work out to the Black Eyed Peas, either. Whenever I introduce him to a band and he actually likes it, I feel like I've won a prize! His love for the Avett Brothers is not as great as mine, though. Anyway, great post! It got me all emotional. :)

[Mom]

It will be 46 years of marriage this coming June for "the Rebel" and me, and we still surprixe each other with something we didn't know about the other one. You'd think we'd know all there is to know by now....

[The Candyman]

The song your thinking of is "halleujah, I love her so" by Ray Charles. I love our musical mash-up baby, great post.

[lizzie]

you grow far more ridiculously awesome every time i read one of your posts. i LOVE zero 7 and there aren't enough people out there listening to them. black keys are awesome...and i agree...i find out more about isaiah every day, all these years later and more to come, i think he's a paradox sometimes with everything i learn in a week.

[Becca]

We're actually usually on the same page about music, but I love this post anyhow. Because it's not about music, and thank you for sharing.

[Louise]

Becca,
It makes me SO happy you get it.
L.

[Tracy B]

While you can't have multiple instances of iTunes on one computer, you can have separate libraries, which is much the same thing, and is better than playlists, folders etc. When you start iTunes, press and hold the shift key (be patient, it will take a while) and a screen comes up allowing you to choose or create separate libraries. I use separate libraries for what I call "shop music" - easy listening stuff that is suitable for our shops, vs lots of podcasts and more odd ball music for me. Once you've created your libraries, iTunes automatically opens the last one used unless you hold the shift key when starting, and choose a different library.

[Tracy B]

PS I forgot to add, you just sync your ipod or what ever with the library you want, so my ipod has lots of podcasts for driving and the ones on the shops have easy listening. I

[veronica]

The Candyman sounds like such a wonderful man. This post was so sweet and reminded me how sweet my own husband is. AW.