Not the DIY Post I Intended.

OK, so what I’ve always heard about starting your own business is true: you’re a one man show. Am I the designer? Yes, of course. But I’m also:

Production

Inventory Control

Shipping

Marketing

Accounting

Creative Services

Human Resources

PR

Janitorial Services

I’m learning a lot about the nuances of owning a business that all my experience managing a business never taught me.  I think the hardest thing I’m learning right now is Time Management. It’s a bitch.

I’m going to bet many of you are scratching your collective heads and thinking, “But Louise, you’re unemployed, you have all the time in the world!” And to that, I’d flip a collective, well-intended finger. If you’re working unemployment like I am, you’re WORKING.

One of the things I don’t have to deal with is getting ready for and driving to work. It’s nice that I can answer my morning emails in my jammies with a cup of coffee and a little Honey Sunshine at my side. That means I get to start my day whenever I want, which is around 6:30 by the time I stumble downstairs, make the coffee and The Candyman’s lunch (not every day, but most) and sit my jammied ass down at the computer. I generally write my blog posts in the morning, as they come to me. I know so many people who crank ‘em all out in one day. Some struggle over them like they’re writing The Next Great Novel (Lyn, I’m talking about you. The result is worth the wait – I’m just jealous). If I did that, they’d take me forever to write because I’d actually spend time on them and maybe actually do some editing. Just imagine!

After blog writing comes the marketing. Blog marketing, TruLu Couture marketing (because I’ve realized they’re one and the same) and general “I have to sit at this damn computer” stuff. All that crap can take me until noon to finish depending on the work load. I eat a quick lunch while watching whatever happens to be on Bravo (God, I am addicted to that crap. Bethenny, Tabitha, Padma – all those housewife bitches? I ♥ them all!). After lunch? That’s when TruLu takes over. I work on pretties until The Candyman comes home, which is around 6:30 or 7:00. Then I have to figure out what to cook for dinner, and then cook it. I seriously don’t understand how those 1950’s bitches did it. I mean, I can cook. I’m not an excellent cook, but I’m good enough. I’ll tell you what, figuring out dinner and having everything on hand to make that dinner for every night of the week? That shit is hard. Add it’s starting to bum me out because I’m getting kind of sick of cooking….All. The. Time. Last night we had turkey meatloaf and The Candyman informed me that he’s getting a little tired of it. Uh, WHA? Like, it’s a staple in my arsenal of recipes. We have it  once every two or three weeks and eat leftovers in sammiches and such. Part of me just wants to tell The Candyman to suck it up and eat his damn dinner (which he generally does). The other part of me feels guilty for not researching recipes and finding other things to feed the man since he’s the one bringing home the turkey bacon. This homemaker bullshit is exhausting.

And while I’m doing all this, I’m also looking for a full-time gig. My options here are limited, but I still research the job postings, apply to stuff I’m totally over/not qualified for and write an endless stream of cover letters. God, I hate cover letters. And you just know most people don’t even look at them. I know I rarely did. Every week I go to these networking meetings for a couple of hours too. It gets me out of the house and the people there are all in my same position, so there’s some much needed camaraderie and human interaction (other than The Candyman).

Now I suppose that’s the point of this post (I thought I was going to write about the DIY light box I made, but clearly we’ve changed direction), is that I  need some friends. I had a melt down two nights ago because I came to that realization: I have no friends. That made me one saaaaaaaad thirty-something bride. What I mean is that I don’t have any friends HERE. I miss happy hour with my gal-pals. I miss calling up Sharon and meeting her at Costco for shopping and fruit smoothies. I haven’t been to a party in like, forever. Last night, The Candyman encouraged me to take a yoga class in order to meet people. He’s assuming that because I had yoga friends in Nashville, that I can make yoga friends here too. What he doesn’t realize is that I made those friends over years of yoga classes. It’s not like I can just pop into a local studio and find the Insta-Friend. I know he just wants me to get out of the house, but it’s harder to do now than it was when I was younger. Most people in my age group are married with kids, which doesn’t leave much time for socializing with people they barely know. Tell me, how is a 40 year old woman with no kids and no job supposed to meet similar? What does that want ad look like?

Female married no kids seeks same for shopping, pedicures and general gossiping. Must tolerate f-bombs, like wine and love Bravo TV. No husband-stealers, psychos or bitches, please.

See my point? I’ve never really struggled with this part of my life before, this “how to make friends” thing. I’m certain over time, when I become more involved in this community, I’ll make friends. It’s just hard now.  It changes the marriage dynamic too. I’ve become more dependent on The Candyman for my social needs. That, my bloggy friends, is lame. And not working. The Candyman is not a social butterfly. If I had a laptop (I don’t) I might could hit some local coffee joints and maybe meet some friendly strangers while I work. You know, people who also like extra-hot, no-foam, fat-free lattes. Or blogging. Or weddings. Or Bravo TV. Just imagine…..

I’m sure that like all things in my life, there’s a lesson to learn here. A new skill to hone. An ah-ha moment that will send me sprinting in the right direction. That lesson, that moment, that skill? I got nothing. It hasn’t hit me yet. So in the meantime, I suppose I just keep at what I’m doing and maybe latch onto the stranger at the grocery who looks at me sideways in hopes that they’ll be my friend.

Oh, that just sounds soooooo pitiful. I swear, I’m not as miserable as it may seem. Since I haven’t been to any social engagements lately, I figure the occasional pity-party is warranted. Don’t you?

Comments

[Bonnie Cranmer]

I FEEL your pain, Louise! Have been facing similar issue, except my ad would include single parent of teenage boy, which only adds to the drama and challenge... getting out more does help! Am going to move again to temp quarters next week, then take June to find next place in a whole new state! Looking for full time work IS full time work and will watch for when you announce success ;~D Love that we connected!

[Lindsay H]

If you ever need a antiquing, wedding talking, coffee shop buddy I'm in the same boat you are in Charlotte!

[veronica]

Okay you know I'm speaking from experience when I say . . . you have to let up on the housemaker duties. I'm sorry, Candyman, just trust me on this one. My day is much the same as yours - I'm up and at the computer by 7am and usually am not able to get away from it until noon when I can finally start sewing and stuff. Of course I'm getting emails all day long that I also have to keep up with, so I'm constantly walking back to the computer as they come in. My workroom is the dining room and it's a complete disaster, but I don't have time to clean it every day and then pull everything out again. It's the last thing Keith sees as he leaves for work and the first thing as he walks in the door, and I was wracked with guilt about it. He says he understands and so I have to just accept that he's telling me the truth and move on - you have to choose what is MOST important. And about dinners . . . PLEASE. I started out thinking I was making dinner every night since he was working and I wasn't. Until we both realized I was actually working from 7am - 11pm every single day and girlfriend does not have the energy or time to make a freaking home-cooked dinner every night. To really make a go of TruLu, which I believe you can do, you have to allow yourself the same understanding as when you were going to an office everyday. You can't be everything all at once. You CAN make amazing, beautiful things and you WILL make friends soon. You can also let up on yourself a little. :)

Here's a giant hug.

p.s. Candyman, I am the pickiest eater ever - I'm not judging your tiring of meatloaf.

[flo]

Louise, you might want to check to see if Charlotte has a Newcomer's club. Then, if they do, try to find out what age group it attracts. Some are mommy oriented. In retirement friendly communities, the members are old. (I am the guest speaker at one of those today.) But you might find connections there. Some communities have groups that meet during the day, some have evening groups. My solutions have been volunteering, taking a college level class, and opening a store. I don't recommend the latter:)

[lizzie]

DUDE. It's rough to make friends after college.
We moved to Texas in the WEIRDEST time to move ever. Isaiah was 25, I was 20...We were in complete culture shock de South for the first two years and now...where do you make friends? We've always had massive groups of collective friends and we're outgoing and friendly and blah blah...but even by now, people have decided who their friends are and the cliques of high schoolers ain't got nothin' on the cliques of adults.

best of luck making friends, i'm POSITIVE you'll find something, it just takes a WHILE.

[Daisy]

Start walking your cat. Bet you meet some interesting people that way!

Sorry it's rough stuff right now. But you are shiny. People are attracted to shiny things. It will happen.

And as for the homemaker shit, I hear you on that one. I was just daydreaming on how much easier it would make my life if my kids could eat drive through or take out. I have to make my own fucking bread. And marshmallows. And thousand other things that keep me from sitting down.

XOXO. Hang in there!!!!

[Louise]

This is all excellent advice and feedback, y'all! I'm struggling with the who/what/HOW part of making friends these days. It is SUCH a foreign place for me to be. Gah.

[Mom]

I like the idea of yoga (need an early B'day present?), and volunteering -- perhaps with the Charlotte theatre?
I KNOW it will happen in time.

[Dawn]

You know, if you could manage to get an APW book club meet up going in this city, that might be a way to meet people. We haven't managed to have one here in Charlotte yet. I'm too introverted to have the energy to get that going but maybe if you did people would come (I'd probably come)? They seem to have put together a pretty decent sized group in the Raleigh-Durham area each time so maybe with some work Charlotte could have a group too?

[lyn]

Oh man, lady. I HEAR you. Time management is a totally cruel bitch with a vengeance for blood. Or your soul. Or just... your time. You're doing well, though. I think maybe part of it is you're still navigating the treacherous waters of figuring out where you stand in your career, in addition to your personal life in a new city. And honestly, you're the only one giving yourself any feedback. In a regular office job, you can at least expect an annual review to help gauge where you stand. So in addition to all the hats you already wear (Janitor -- ha!) you are also boss and employee.

I'm excited for how far you've come in your new venture with TruLu, but I sense you don't really know how to validate yourself and what you're doing. I trust it will come in time, though, and as you get more minor successes under your belt.

The friend thing, though? Ugh. It's harder and harder to make them the older we get. I do trust that will come with time, too.

PS - Ha! You totally called me out. It's true. I need to let go of my writing process. Get a little sloppy. I am not writing a novel, I'm writing a damned blog post. Christ.

[Louise]

Lyn, you're totally right about the self-validation. The ugly cycle of self-hatred continues to reign supreme! However, I've been attending more networking functions and getting out more - meeting people in my same position, so hopefully that will help on the friend-front!

[Jenny- Adventures Along The Way]

This is late, but I just want to say I can understand the friend thing. I am in a new place...can I still say that after a year? And it is hard.